Cheering FOR Someone on Top Chef...FINALLY

Okay, so Top Chef Chicago has its season finale a couple of nights ago. Stephanie won -- the person I wanted to win won. In the three previous seasons I have been throwing forth my thought vibrations hoping to disrupt the chances of a really loud, mean nasty finalist -- the same kind of person whom I cannot stand in real life. However, I was not really pulling FOR someone. Top chef has been like a lot of past presidential elections – not so much a vote FOR someone as a vote to prevent someone else from winning.

I was FOR Stephanie.

It did not matter what happened to Lisa, the overtly angry, always-arms-crossed, open lesbo who seems to become completely angry with any man for any reason and completely quiet and relaxed with any woman regardless. She has a great, deep emotional story to be discovered in years of therapy, I am sure. There is a Lifetime TV movie there somewhere. And I am not anti-woman or anti-lesbian.

After all, I was FOR Stephanie who spent a lot of time making pro-woman comments and I spend a lot of time making pro-woman (just a strange word: pro-woman) comments and efforts at work. At one point in my career I was a member of the National Organization of Men Against Sexism. No, I was not again Lisa for her female-ness.

Nor did her lesbian orientation have any bearing on it. As a big ol’ gay man I wish I had a million lesbian friends. I still grieve over the unexplained loss of the only lesbian friend of my life. The chasm that exists between the two sides of our community is problematic in a broad sense on many levels.

My issue with Lisa is simple: unnecessary, ungrounded, unrecognized meanness toward others AND an unwillingness to be open to hearing constructive criticism.

Then there is Richard who I thought was gay, gay, gay but as it turns out is married with child. Who knew! Damn how I could relate to his unending internal self-editing.

He will steered the recipe here, no then there over there – new twist, then another tweak, oh yeah, what about that, and then he could add this too, and, finally, DAMN TIME IS OUT, OVER, DONE!

Richard, Richard, Richard….

Top chef is not the most fandangled, complicated cook-er in the kitchen. Look dear Richard at the American auto industry vs. the Japanese/Korean auto industry. The Americans, rather build quality cars that require little maintenance, added electric doodads and shiny options and sparkly bling. Then Asian companies went with a planned, tiered approached. Step-by-step they rolled out improvements to safety, options and mechanics across all lines. This saved money for the company which made their cars cheaper. America’s rush to catch up was pricey and it got passed on the consumer. What Asian companies passed onto consumers was quality in manner that increased with each model year and with costs that were small in comparison to their American counterparts.

In the final four, one of Richard’s out takes was genius. When the four finalists were cooking for the Puerto Rican Governor’s wife and friends, he said something about how Lisa was abandoning her Asian-influenced cuisine in favor what she thought would be popular Latin flavors. Richard said something like: you have to stick to who you are. That’s why people are going to like you and your food. These people here; they are the experts on Puerto Rico. To give them their food is like inviting criticism. Give them what you know and they are going to like it.

So, Richard, dear Richard, henceforth, my brother in over-thinking, over-redoing, over self-editing, do what I have learned (and often relearned): Stick to the snapshot inspiration that first crystallizes in your head. Follow it to its culmination. After it’s done, let feedback come in. Let the feedback rest in your head and heart. Then add your own feedback. Finally take the snapshot and redo it based on ONLY the feedback that rings true to your heart and head as well as your own thoughts. Now you have a second generation snapshot. Make it. No edits. No changes. Repeat, if necessary. Document each step. Leave the recipe alone for six weeks and imagine making it again. Now play with it in your amazing brain.

Self-editing while cooking won’t work for you. It takes you away from your best self.

Finally, Stephanie. From humble, doubting chef to humble, somewhat confident, somewhat disbelieving winning Top Chef, your journey was amazing. Your journey was beautiful. To see a nice, kind, supportive individual win on their merits of consistency inspires my entire life.

Your pound cake dessert in the finale was perfectly imperfect simply because it shows that you are perfectly you. Give me a double of that. The inventive vision of the lamb dish did not come from your heart or your head or your experience – it came from some deep sacred place inside that transcends past, present and future. You made a universal harmonious dish:
Olives of the Mediterrean
Pistachios of the new world
Blackberries of the farm
Who would not, could not love this dish? It’s like when my vegetarian friend acknowledges the only meat dish she will eat is this grilled lamb marinated in Asian flavors I make – hehehe, so is she a vegetarian or has food opened her heart?

Thank you, Stephanie, from the first episode to the last, I cheered for you, because your heart and soul were worn with integrity. Never a harsh word, never anything to dissuade me from believing in you, you remind me to be a better me and to be better at doing everything I try.

p.s. please tell dale he is way cute.

Tackling Depression with the Wisdom of Maya Angelou

I came home today in a sad and depressed mood. I had tried to call some friends hoping one would reach out and offer a verbal hug or a kind support. Some did but the blue force field remained in tact.

I broke down and bought some ice cream, a candy bar and chewy cookies. It was the first time in many weeks that I had fallen backward on that sword. Again, no change.

I really wanted to read. Reading is a big part of my hopes and dreams -- the ones I am trying to resurrect with the blog and through changes in my daily. I did NOT want to turn on the computer and open up the chatrooms where I am a daily figure. I knew that if I entered there, then I would lose the entire evening and more depression and sadness would wash over me.

No reading would have been completed. No writing would have been attempted. And endless streaming pics and meaningless "what's up" conversations would help me avoid making an investment in my soul.

Compelled through the addiction of avoidance, I turned on the computer and checked email. I found the following email from a dear friend. The wall of blue crumbled -- at least for a few hours.

Don't break the elastic!

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.

The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

" I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Please send this to five phenomenal people today. If you do, something good will happen: You will boost the other person.

If you don't...the elastic will break and your underpants will fall down around your ankles! Believe me, I didn't take any chances on MY elastic breaking.... I sent it to a lot of special people I care for.

Thanks for the email. I so needed it.

One part of the perspective for living a life in a world without end

This is a really summary article by one of the monks who has played a significant role in the revival of the practice of centering prayer. Below you will see a summary of steps, which I have repeated here:

"The Guidelines

• Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God's presence and action within.
• Sitting comfortably and with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God's presence and action within.
• When you become aware of thoughts, return ever-so-gently to the sacred word.
• At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes."

And to these, I have added a few things, but this then moves me away from the practice centering prayer and into a personalized daily psychological or emotional "reset."
I also use non-sacred literature, like works of fiction.
I select either a single word or a phrase or sentence to reflect on and apply it to my daily life.
And I then, finally, I write about what I have reflected on. Sometimes this writing takes a few sentences; other times it seems to take a great deal of effort to finish sorting out my reflection. To achieve this though, writing -- at least for me -- seems necessary.

Those familiar with the emerging body of research on the brain will know what role neurotransmitters play in mood. I am increasingly convinced anecdotally that this process of read, be inspired, reflect, open and reflect more, allow for silence and spirit to enter, formulate ideas, and then express ideas on paper. By the end of this process, my brain is again optimally reset to lead a life focused on my values, allowing me to make moral choices and find happiness in all circumstances while loving as many people as my limited human nature allows.

Here is a helpful summary:

The Method of Centering Prayer
by Thomas Keating

Theological Background
The grace of Pentecost affirms that the risen Jesus is among us as the glorified Christ. Christ lives in each of us as the Enlightened One, present everywhere and at all times. He is the living Master who continuously sends the Holy Spirit to dwell within us and to bear witness to his resurrection by empowering us to experience and manifest the fruits of the Spirit and the Beatitudes both in prayer and action.

Lectio Divina
Lectio Divina is the most traditional way of cultivating friendship with Christ. It is a way of listening to the texts of scripture as if we were in conversation with Christ and he were suggesting the topics of conversation. The daily encounter with Christ and reflection on his word leads beyond mere acquaintanceship to an attitude of friendship, trust and love. Conversation simplifies and gives way to communing, or as Gregory the Great (6th century), summarizing the Christian contemplative tradition, put it, "resting in God." This was the classical meaning of contemplative prayer for the first sixteen centuries.

Contemplative Prayer
Contemplative Prayer is the normal development of the grace of baptism and the regular practice of Lectio Divina. We may think of prayer as thoughts or feelings expressed in words. But this is only one expression. Contemplative Prayer is the opening of mind and heart - our whole being - to God, the Ultimate Mystery, beyond thoughts, words and emotions. We open our awareness to God whom we know by faith is within us, closer than breathing, closer than thinking, closer than choosing - closer than consciousness itself. Contemplative Prayer is a process of interior purification leading, if we consent, to divine union.

The Method of Centering Prayer
Centering Prayer is a method designed to facilitate the development of contemplative prayer by preparing our faculties to cooperate with this gift. It is an attempt to present the teaching of earlier time (e.g. The Cloud of Unknowing) in an updated form and to put a certain order and regularity into it. It is not meant to replace other kinds of prayer; it simply puts other kinds of prayer into a new and fuller perspective. During the time of prayer we consent to God's presence and action within. At other times our attention moves outward to discover God's presence everywhere.

The Guidelines

• Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God's presence and action within.
• Sitting comfortably and with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God's presence and action within.
• When you become aware of thoughts, return ever-so-gently to the sacred word.
• At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes.

Explanation of the Guidelines

1. "Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God's presence and action within." (cf. Open Mind, Open Heart, chap. 5)
2. The sacred word expresses our intention to be in God's presence and to yield to the divine action.
3. The sacred word should be chosen during a brief period of prayer asking the Holy Spirit to inspire us with one that is especially suitable for us.

Examples: Lord, Jesus, Abba, Father, Mother

Other possibilities: Love, Peace, Shalom

Having chosen a sacred word, we do not change it during the prayer period, for that would be to start thinking again.

A simple inward gaze upon God may be more suitable for some persons than the sacred word. In this case, one consents to God's presence and action by turning inwardly toward God as if gazing upon him. The same guidelines apply to the sacred gaze as to the sacred word.

"Sitting comfortably and with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God's presence and action within."

By "sitting comfortably" is meant relatively comfortably; not so comfortably that we encourage sleep, but sitting comfortably enough to avoid thinking about the discomfort of our bodies during this time of prayer.

Whatever sitting position we choose, we keep the back straight.

If we fall asleep, we continue the prayer for a few minutes upon awakening if we can spare the time.

Praying in this way after a main meal encourages drowsiness. Better to wait an hour at least before Centering Prayer. Praying in this way just before retiring may disturb one's sleep pattern.

We close our eyes to let go of what is going on around and within us.

We introduce the sacred word inwardly and as gently as laying a feather on a piece of absorbent cotton.

"When you become aware of thoughts, return ever-so-gently to the sacred word."

"Thoughts" is an umbrella term for every perception including sense perceptions, feelings, images, memories, reflections, and commentaries.

Thoughts are a normal part of Centering Prayer.

By "returning ever-so-gently to the sacred word", a minimum of effort is indicated. This is the only activity we initiate during the time of Centering Prayer.

During the course of our prayer, the sacred word may become vague or even disappear.

"At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes."

If this prayer is done in a group, the leader may slowly recite the Our Father during the additional 2 or 3 minutes, while the others listen.

The additional 2 or 3 minutes give the psyche time to readjust to the external senses and enable us to bring the atmosphere of silence into daily life.

Some Practical Points

1. The minimum time for this prayer is 20 minutes. Two periods are recommended each day, one first thing in the morning, and one in the afternoon or early evening.
2. The end of the prayer period can be indicated by a timer, providing it does not have an audible tick or loud sound when it goes off
3. The principal effects of Centering Prayer are experienced in daily life, not in the period of Centering Prayer itself.

Physical Symptoms:

1. We may notice slight pains, itches, or twitches in various parts of the body or a generalized restlessness. These are usually due to the untying of emotional knots in the body.
2. We may also notice heaviness or lightness in the extremities. This is usually due to a deep level of spiritual attentiveness.
3. In either case, we pay no attention, or we allow the mind to rest briefly in the sensation, and then return to the sacred word.
4. Lectio Divina provides the conceptual background for the development of Centering Prayer.
5. A support group praying and sharing together once a week helps maintain one's commitment to the prayer.

Extending the Effects of Centering Prayer into Daily Life

• Practice 2 periods of Centering Prayer daily.
• Read Scriptures regularly and study Open Mind, Open Heart.
• Practice one or two of the specific methods for everyday, suggested in Open Mind, Open Heart, chapter 12.
• Join a Centering Prayer Support Group or Follow-up Program (if available in your area.)
• It encourages the members of the group to persevere in private.
• It provides an opportunity for further input on a regular basis through tapes, readings, and discussion.

Points for Further Development
During the prayer period various kinds of thoughts may be distinguished. (cf. Open Mind, Open Heart, chapters 6 through 10):

• Ordinary wanderings of the imagination or memory.
• Thoughts that give rise to attractions or aversions.
• Insights and psychological breakthroughs.
• Self-reflections such as, "How am I doing?" or, "This peace is just great!"
• Thoughts that arise from the unloading of the unconscious.
• During this prayer, we avoid analyzing our experience, harboring expectations or aiming at some specific goal such as:
• Repeating the sacred word continuously
• Having no thoughts.
• Making the mind a blank.
• Feeling peaceful or consoled.
• Achieving a spiritual experience.

What Centering Prayer is not:
It is not a technique.
It is not a relaxation exercise.
It is not a form of self-hypnosis.
It is not a charismatic gift.
It is not a para-psychological phenomenon.
It is not limited to the "felt" presence of God.
It is not discursive meditation or affective prayer.

(St. Benedict's Monastery, Snowmass, Colorado.)